U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
