were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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