I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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