And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Green mimosas i think yes
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
