you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
