My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
