There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
