you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
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