im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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