it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I CAN MOONWALK!
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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