Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Randomize
