My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
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