you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize
