That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
