yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Randomize
