4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Randomize
