so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
