not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Also, beer. Big fan.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize