Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
