in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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