Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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