is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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