if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
