They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
