everyone is single if you try hard enough
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Randomize
