so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
