Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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