ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
