Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
