new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize