Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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