Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I think my moral compass just broke
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
