so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I currently don't understand fingers.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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