You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
