My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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