Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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