remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
His nipple licking is glorious
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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