David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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