You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
