For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
