You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
