Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
