I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
