Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
