I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
