Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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