why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
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