um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
