I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
