how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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