I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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