i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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