its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Randomize
