12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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