I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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