I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
