And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
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