Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize