i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
