he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
