she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize