I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
