And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
