i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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