Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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