I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
