i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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