Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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