That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
