It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
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