I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
