Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
