It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
