he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Randomize
