Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
