my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
