you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
