this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
