she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
