I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
