sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Swine flu is the new snow day.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize