I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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