i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I'm both gender and math confused
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
