can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
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