When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize