Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Randomize
