just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Randomize
