is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
