your room smells of hookers.
And success
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
