Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
